Diary of a Cheater

dear diary misstalkaholic

Dear Diary,


I loved him and Yes It was me who left him! He betrayed me not once but every time, every chance he got. Even after this, I loved him because it was what others called Blind Love!

One day I found him cheating on me, I know fighting or arguing won’t help without a proof, he won’t let me go that easily and he won’t stay loyal to me either. His lies only add fuel to my anger, his words sounds to me like a blowing horn. So, I betrayed him. Yes you heard it right, I betrayed him too and Yes I did it purposely without giving it any second thought.

Love makes no sense to me now after all, what matters to everyone is a 4-word letter and i.e. not love but NEED. I got into not one but many relations or what’s better known as affairs. Counting doesn’t matter to me now. When you are cheating you are cheating, with one or two that doesn’t get count.

I hook up with him too and stay all-the-time alert like a RAW agent on its mission. Saying lie gives me bliss though stepping into his shoes proved a difficult task for me. Everything that he did to me, I repaid him in an exact way with all the due respect and yes I am still into him. It’s clever me, cruel me, but it isn’t real me. I enjoyed betraying him, knowing he is betraying me too.

Once or twice I messed up things and got caught up but it only made me say more lies to him. I am slowly learning this art now. But Diary, while staying with him I feel close to him once again. I hear my heart beating for him all the time. Eventually, I felt his need again but then all the memories of him fooling me, betraying me reminds me of my pain. Am I losing from my aim?

I think of others, I think of them getting hurt for no reason, so I don’t wanna do it again. But no, I have to gather my anger because I have to make him feel the same. My conscience can’t tell me anymore that I am wrong. Even though I am cheating, I won’t step back because I am hurt and now blind in pain. I killed my soul with Cupid’s dagger in my heart.

One day I got the chance to go away from him but in vain. I cannot leave him and I don’t know why. For this, I put on him the blame. After all, this game is a shame. I left him knowing he will leave me someday too. I didn’t say him anything, I only kept it in my brain. At last, I came to know two things – First, I cannot be a Cheater, Second I loved him who never loved me.

Dear Diary, you are my only friend and I hope that at least you will understand me.


It is a fiction, Please do not take it otherwise!

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133 Comments

  1. Interesting read.. love should never be hard but some damn reason it is.. in my younger years I found myself doing that same thing.. I wanted him to feel how he made me feel.. how he broke my heart into pieces and he did but I felt bad for my betrayal in the end.. but he finally realized the pain he put me through.. I don’t think I would do it again though.. I would just walk away..

  2. Where you are today is the effect of all the causes you’ve made in the past. Tomorrow you reap the benefits of what you do now. Are you not causing yourself more misery if you think you can’t stop your behavior because you think your human nature is controlling you. Be the master of your mind, instead of letting your mind master you.

  3. This is a very interesting post. As I don’t believe in the word “cheating”. I believe that as we become our most authentic self, the love within us expands and has a need to be shared with more than just our initial significant other. The more I grow in love with myself, the more I feel compelled to share love with others and as intimately as possible with the really special ones. I can understand that people feel pain when they are unaware of their partners desires, but realistically speaking, it doesn’t seem unreasonable that one can deeply connect and ultimately love more than one person at a time. The more honest we are with ourselves, the more honest we can be with others. Love has no boundaries.

    1. You just said it so wonderfully and beautifully.. If we love ourself truly & are honest with our ownself, the more honest we are with others. Thank you for your lovely comment

  4. I understand this feeling completely though I have never been cheated on physically I have had my self-esteem and love robbed from me and become thee cheater to fill the void. Both men I left because I chose me first.
    There is two sides to every story
    I’m am the cheaters side who walks around with a needle and thread for my torn heart

    1. Life is very cruel my friend.. It teaches us everything and often makes us what we are not.. But we should never lose ourself.. we mUST love ourself first..Thank you for your comment

  5. I went through something similar… i used to always stick by him even when i knew who he really was .. but i soon learnt that i needed to let go .. now im single and awesum and i think im grateful to him for having made me a stronger person !!

  6. Love is not always about fidelity…..it’s also about having good times when in love…people change situations change….but love remains…it’s eternal…everyone needs it and it needs everyone….

  7. I am not going to judge at all ,I totally get it .Whne the person you love mire than your life constantly keep hurting you and you can’t even walk away from him ,its great to repay them in a same way ,though its not exactly who we are but still it will may be lessen our pain

  8. no one is or can be perfect. it takes 2 to have a relationship and both to be involved in that relationship. people stray because of many reasons, one is the current relationship lacks something. as long as you have learned from this, then it has been a positive time. there are others out there that will match what you are looking for. just keep your eyes open to ALL the possibilities.

  9. I feel the same but if someone is becoming murderer we don’t need to be same to prove him the pain or anything to disrespect or own self. Though she cheat me, I wish to go away n prove to the world I’m still good and I can get a good girl too.. No need to stick her

  10. Love is not blind it only see wat matters!
    He cheated on you but you also did the same intentionally and this is not rt.
    But you know what you have a pure heart as Later you understood this is wrong.
    And you are very strong also as you let him go.you moved on

    Salute to you 🙂

  11. It happens all the time…my heart is heavy after reading this because I have had this love and happy to say I did not try the pay backs. I suffered at my own hand of confusion. Glad to say this is no longer part of my life. Your post was helpful and true.

          1. I love to correct myself ….and thankful to those who correct me ….spelling mistakes is due to auto correct. …I am from utter pradesh Lucknow….hindi heartland…..where u from ?

          2. Even Shakespeare didn’t know english though he is authority of english langauge ….in a play he wrote about the king of bees. ..and we know well that bees have Queen not king…..right

  12. You he , how is victim ? YOU, you some other guy , this time victim is that guy and also the older one. Sorry to say , what is the problem of everyone in this world = REVENGE ; its a cycle , your guy betrayed you , you betrayed some other guy for betraying the older one , I believe in karma ; you didn’t have to do anything ; just sit relax : let karma fucked him up ; have positive attitude towards negativity. Whatever situation you were facing that time ; don’t involve someone in this chain.
    Btw Nicely written 😉

  13. I can understand , having morals hold u back,put u through immense sufferings,and sometimes I too feel to be emotionless and become a good girl gone bad,but ma heart just dont accept,I hate it for that but on other side you will loose yourself in this process and dont let someone change the person who you are,bec u are changing bec of them and not for you.

  14. When we cheat someone because we was a victim of someone’s disloyalty once, is like drinking the poison by ourselves and expecting him/her to die, and in the course of being in affairs to vent the anger of being cheated eventually ends up more of hurting the person who might be loyal to you ( in the so called “affairs”)! Instead we can focus on positive aspects ( better use of life and energy) to help others in any possible ways..

    1. I totally agree with u josh.. Cheating someone back Is just not a solution but as I have said manytimes above, people gets blind in Pain.. That is why we must share our iffing and butting with our closed ones, with our friends..

      1. Point Taken, We should never worry about the things we don’t have control of and must focus on stuff we can control, not let anyone decide how you gonna spend your energy, its your life, take such downfall as experience and Rock On!!

  15. Understandable. The anger blurs our consience and thus we do things we never thought we would do. We become something we never thought. I have never cheated in a relationship that I had just because I didn’t felt cheating and moreover had faith on her. Tit for tat isn’t always good although in some cases it is. Using other person to take a revenge against that particular person is not correct in my thinking although your’s can differ.

    1. When one’s blind in pain nothing seems wrong or right.. This is might what happened in this case. . I agree playing with other feelings for your petty gains is a wrong thing and Karma pays well to everyone.

  16. I can understand the pain you must have gone through when he cheated on you several times.. I guess, sometimes when our limits are pushed, we become someone who we really are not.. we just seek revenge and it changes us as a person. But, after some time as we are not really a person whom we become due to the circumstances, we get back to our original self and be ourselves once again… There is not right or wrong in here.. Everything happens in a flow and we seem to be not able to control.

    1. Correct.. we just can’t control our heart and mind sometimes.. What is wrong and rights becomes nothing in pain.. But then one day everything gets clear.. We all should wait for that one day

          1. Mood tou mera nahi hai abhi ….
            Ohhh you are most welcome
            Aap Lucknow aatey hi muskuraiyega zarur…!
            Wish me ….I am birthday boy enjoying fresh fruit cake

  17. I stumbled on this blog post through clicking around in WordPress, and I’m glad I did. I write an anonymous blog about being a cheater, and I saw some echoes of my own experience here. I don’t cheat for revenge, so that’s a difference, but I also feel your line that “While staying with him, I feel close to him once again.” Even though I have affairs, every time I’m back with my wife, I’m reminded of why I love her and why I want only her as my life partner. Cheating always brings me back more strongly to her, stronger than ever before.

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